2005-03-29

A Little FAQ and A


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A: Pittsnoggle

Q: What is the perfect name for a basketball player from West Virginia?

Really, that name fits perfect. It just works. Unfortunately, whenever a sporting figure has a catchy name, sports-announcers just can't seem to say it enough. This guy is almost as fun for them as the Bulgarian Women's Gymnastics team.

Q: What time is it when your double-digit seeded team advances to the second week of the NCAA Tournament?

A: Time to start looking for a new coach.

I must correct an earlier projection that the Philadelphia 76ers wouldn't be big enough, nor would any other team for that matter, for C-Webb and AI to co-exist there. My statement was based on faulty information. I had incorrectly assumed that Chris Webber was signed to be Chris Webber, a talented all-around player who disappears in crucial playoff situations.

It turns out that Chris Webber was signed to be "one of the four guys who stand around trying to guess where Iverson's next shot will wind up after it clanks wildly off the rim." AI is simultaneously among the league leaders in shots attempted and among the league's worst in shooting percentage. AI's line from the recent Laker game ... 5 of 28!! from the field including 0 - 6 from behind the arc. You'd think that somewhere around that 15th or 16th miss you'd start to smell the coffee. Not AI ... the good ones are never afraid to brick their way out of a slump.

Anyway, as long as Webber is content to be the league's highest paid spectator things will work out just fine in Philly. He'll have to turn in his C-Webb monnicker though. Those things are reserved for players who make a difference.

Speaking of Iverson ...

A: Alan Iverson

Q: Whose name appears right above Kobe Bryant at the bottom of the list of people Phil Jackson would most like to coach, should he return to the NBA sidelines?

One more on sports before we turn to other news ...

A: Scrabble on ESPN, Arm-Wrestling on ESPN, Spelling Bees on ESPN, Dog Shows on TNT.

Q: What happens when the entire hockey season is cancelled?

And, on the Shiavo mess ...

Q: When can you tell that your situation has gotten out of control?

A: When Jesse Jackson arrives on the scene.

How about JJ showing up again!? "I feel so passionate about this injustice ... " said the Reverend. Hmmm. So passionate that he's just now stepping to the plate after the matter has been raging for a year? So passionate that he waited until the tube's been out for a week and a half and death is imminent to start phoning state legislators to reconsider their vote against having the tube re-inserted (you know, with all that political muscle he has these days).

But I guess that's probably the point. He jumps in on day one, and we have plenty of time to see how impotent he's become. Now he can play the, "I tried but I just ran out of time" card.

And really, for a guy who has made a career out of re-opening 100+ year old wounds, this is actually a pretty timely response.

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