Channel Scan

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I just woke up from an impromptu nap. Not a good one. I don't feel refreshed, I feel like I was run over by a bus. Dixie's out on the patio keeping an eye on the neighbors who are moving. I'm bored ... so, before I get going, a quick scan of the channels:

AMC: GI Jane - I don't know if this is the 10th or 100th time this has been on this week. All I know is, I watched it last Sunday night when I was sick, and it seems to be on ever time I flip over AMC since.

TBS: Blast from the Past - The plot's a little thin after you've seen it once, but it's hard to complain about Alicia Silverstone.

FX: Die Hard 2 - Not quite as frequent as GI Jane, but this one's been making the rounds since Christmas. On the other hand, Bruce Willis flicks are always good for multiple watchings.

Disney: who cares? Although surprisingly it's not one of those brain-dead pre-pubescent girl shows where the heroine is simultaneously head cheerleader, student body president, captain of the soccer team, honor roll student, star employee at the local museum and helping various friends with their drug addiction, abusive parents, eating disorder and racial insenstive tendencies.

ESPN2: Soccer - Thanks, but no. I'm trying to wake up. To all the Euro-apologists out there, I confess to being such a boor that I don't even realize how neandrothol my favorite sports American Football and Basketball are compared to this, the purest of all games.

Fox: Covering a court case - The lull between pope funeral and new pope selection is a little slow. Although this is interesting - it appears that the woman who claimed to have found a finger in her Wendy's chili may have planted it. It seems she's one of these people who has made several attempts at organizations with deep pockets.

oh! Something with Jamie Lee Curtis and this guy who always shows up in movies that chicks like. Moving on ...

USA: Hmmm. I don't know what it is. Lou Diamond Philips, Elizabeth Shue, Val Kilmer. Nice credentials, but it looks too heavy to jump into the middle.

CNN: Royal couple stuff. Europe is so awesome. Too bad we're stuck here in mean, old America.

Lifetime: It's gotta be at least ten years old judging by the young, less heavy look of the guy who plays Sipowicz in NYPD Blue. It's Lifetime. Someone's baby must be missing, or thier drunk husband must be opressing them, or something of that sort. Men just don't get it.

A&E: The behind the scenes at Caesar's Casino show. I love these things, but if you watched them all, you'd never get anything done. Personally I'm partial to American Casino which I run across on Discover sometimes.

MTV: Some show where three girls watch by remote feed as some guy gets to go through and inspect their houses. What a surprise - the girls have big chests, low-cut tops and squeak and laugh a lot. Is this supposed to be entertaining? funny? racy? It appears to be trying to be all three, but in reality is none of the three.

Discover: Biker build-off - Again these shows are awesome, but they've been running them all week.

CNBC: Info-mercial for Time/Life's LIfetime of Love CD collection. I don't see how, but these things must work, or they wouldn't pay to put them on.

ABC Family: Some show with John Stamos and a couple other guys raising girls of various ages ranging from 4-14. A throwback to when sitcoms started on their empty tack.

Spike: UFC Marathon - Sweet! Kind of an Apprentice for UFC hopefuls. They'be been showing these a lot lateley and I'm loving them.

Nickelodian: Some awards show for kids complete with lots of screaming. Is Jimmy Fallon the most un-funny SNL alum ever? And that's saying something cuz that show has laid a lot of eggs over the years.

TNT: You've Got Mail - A couple meet and fall in love online. How old-fashioned ... I mean, they've both got dial-up and use AOL for their main connection ... just like people did back in the day.

ESPN: First an add for men's curling ... the NHL Cancellation Strikes Again! Now World's Strongest Man - pretty interesting stuff if you are bent on watching something - guys pulling buses and carrying two refrigerators at once, etc.

45-53: Always a hodge-podge of former middle of the night fare. VH1 is counting down the Least Metal Moments. On the plus side this dates back to when their countdowns were interesting because they got interesting people to talk about the items. On the minus side ... seen it.

History: UFO Files - Usually I respect this channel, but UFO's? Surely there is some aspect of WWII we haven't covered yet.

Fox Sports: Cheerleading Championsships - There's a catch though - it's Division II. The main one is marginal enough. This is just lame. The absence of College Hoops is acutely felt.

E!: ... please, it's E! As if self-importance needs any help perpetuating itself.

Horse Racing: ... not my thing.

Bravo: Some permutation of Queer Eye. They're watching someone make sausage. Some things really ought to be off-limits for Queer Eye.

Comedy Central: Mad TV - Not bad, but nothing to go out of your way for. They're spoofing MTV right now.

*** The end of worthwhile stations except for when Poker shows up on 62.


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