2005-11-23

Profile of a Football Fan


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If you believe the commercials, here is a profile of the average football fan:

Unshaven. Dresses like a 6th grader. Rarely showers - you'd have to get up off the couch to do that! Loves mindless sitcoms. Eats chili and other tomato-based hot foods without utensils and then wipes his hands on the Dan Marino jersey that he's been wearing since the 80's ... you know, back when it fit. Now, years and thousands of cases of beer later his hairy gut has crawled out from under the bottom of said jersey. Shows more affection to his fellow food-stained jersey-wearing, steel worker looking cohorts after his team scores an improbable touchdown than he has to his wife in years. This makes sense since his relationship with his wife is closer to that of mother and child than life partners. During football season he loses all conception of time, work, family, ... pretty much anything but football. Could recite ten years worth of his team's stats, but not his own phone number.

Thankfully he's too dim and too preoccupied with convincing anyone who will listen that his 1 win, 9 loss team still has a strong shot at the Super Bowl to figure any of the rest of this out.

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