2005-12-05

Avery Makes with Some Contact Info


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OK, so they've been pretty pushy. Time to push back to slow them down some as the results of this email may fire them up. They are needing a phone number. What they are unaware of is that, from time to time the phone lines in Avery's office building get crossed up. How these things happen, I don't know. At this moment, even Avery is unaware that the problem has flared back up. Oh well. It'll all work out eventually. Time to feed them ...
Kathy and Chris (if you even exist),

What sort of rinky-tonk operation is this? I tried calling the number you provided and I keep getting a message saying that I need to deposit three more clarchbars or whatever your coins are called. I just remember that it sounded funny. Then I found out that Kathys e-mail address has been disconnected. Granted she provided a new one, but who ever heard of a respectable business partner changing emails every day? I mean, you both seem like decent folks, and I am moved by your story, but you have to admit, this seems a little shifty. When you think about it, how do I even know that Kathy Olds exists?

Anyway, I trust you'll send me reassurances on that matter. Also, sorry you could not be of help with the mechanical pencil question. I wound up having to right with candle ashes.

OK, so on to business. First, do you really think a trip to Johannesburg will be necessary? Not that Im opposed to it or anything. Ive always wanted to see the Dark Continent. Its just that travel at this time of year is such a pain, and my schedule is crazy. Please advise on this soon so I can get my secretary working on travel arrangements if needed.

My apologies on the great oversight I have committed in not providing my phone number. Here I am lecturing you on respectability when I've been withholding information. My cell phone is in the shop right now so here's my office number: (202)224-****. I'll have to apologize in advance for my secretary. She has a heart of gold, but she comes off as a little gruff at times. Don't take it personally, that's just her way. She's a little hard of hearing so talk loud and if she gives you a hard time just tell her you need to talk to me about "Swiftboat." That's my code for our project. She doesn't know what it is just that it's important to me. If Herve answers the phone, he doesnt know much English so talk slow and loud. Same deal, though. Just tell him, "Swiftboat" and hell put you right through.

OK, so there we go. I'm waiting to hear from you on the advisability of a trip to your land. And we'll start working on the details.

Sincerely,

Avery Lunch

P.S. Ive been meaning to compliment the both of you on your mastery of our language. Have you traveled in America much?
Ummm ... the phone number I gave them is John Kerry's office number in Washington. And I sent this out over the weekend so they should be giving it a whirl today. If you want a little smile, just picture someone calling up the Kerry office speaking loud, broken English and asking to talk about "Swiftboat." Hmmm ... a Scammer and a Democrat with one stone.

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