2005-12-20

Chris and Avery Update


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When I last left off, Chris and Avery had been having some trouble getting in touch with each other. Avery tried to explain, but Chris continued to press ...
... i demanded for your cell phone number, buts its very unfortunate that your cell phone is still under detention in your shop. Only heaven knows when it will be released. If telephones calls has started jaming in America, that means the world cannot be guarranteed of anything again. We were of the opinion that America has the best of all things in the world, well nothing is perfect except GOD, my bible made me to know this.
Well, good. At least he has the big picture down. Avery still thinks the teleconference is do-able if Chris would just give it a try. Also he has some questions regarding travel:
Chris,

In reviewing the letter with the financial requirements, I believe Shambles had a few questions for you. He'll email you shortly.

As for my trip, I was trying to see if you could provide any advice to help my poor secretary out. She's never booked travel to your country before so she's kind of flying deaf. If you could offer any advice as to what airline to fly, what flight to take, and most especially, what hotel to stay at we would be greatly appreciated. I prefer a hotel that has a pool and concierge service. I would also need wireless internet access, preferably in the room - broadband, not one of those awful plug a phone cord into the phone and dial up arrangements. One thing that's really catching on that I've been wanting to try is a free Continental Jell-O and breakfast bar. I've yet to encounter one in my travels but read a piece about them in an in-flight magazine and they are supposed to be the rage. Apparently Jell-O is great for short-term memory and hand-eye coordination, so folks are just gobbling it up. If you have a hotel that features this, I would be pleased.

So again, any travel advice you can provide would really help out my secretary.

Also, I am perplexified by our phone problems. When we were at lunch yesterday, my boss left his phone at the table while he went to the bathroom. So, I grabbed it and real quick tested out your number, same thing. "You need to deposit three more clarchbars." I don't get it, I really don't. But obviously I'm no stranger to phone problems.

Are you sure a teleconference is not do-able. Even if you don't have the equipment, a Kinko's or Starbucks will. Surely you have those. If you call them up, I'm sure they'll have the hardware. Kinko's usually uses the Zebbo Setcom but sometimes a local store will go with a compatible off-brand. Starbucks has a long-term deal with Bernie Roper though, so they are a Max 90 shop all the way.

Let me know if you can do a teleconference and I'll be glad to help get the ball started.

Sincerely,

Avery Lunch
Surely now that Avery is getting serious about his travel plans Chris will ease up, right? Well, no.
Mr Lauch,

I await the mail from shambles ok. You are a traveller and should be able to catch a flight for yourself, the type of flight that will meet all your requirements ok. Klm is always coming to johannesburg from all parts of the world. As for hotel, and where you will stay, there are thousands of world class hotels here in south africa. When you come, then you choose for yourself. Without discussing with you over the phone, i am sorry to say there is nothing i can do again with you to go further in this transaction. Everything in this world has rules, and whatever i do i abide by the rules. You are now trying to tell me that people from the united states do not make calls to south africa again. please come out from your shield . Be more transperent.

Chris
He just wants Avery to be more transparent and come out from behind his shield, or actually come out from behind the shield first. Anyway, now it was Avery's turn to be miffed. Turns out that Avery has been putting on a brave front while behind the scenes things aren't going so well.
Chris,

Well, I guess you have showed your blue colors with this one! I thought I knew you ... turns out I don't know you at all. You want transparent ... you've got it!
Shambles told me you'd turn out to be a jerk. "No," I said, "Chris is a good guy. You don't know him like I do. "Well, I guess Shambles was right. Great! Now I owe him a Fresca.

I have been very patient in putting up with your changed email addresses and strange phone messages and what not, meanwhile back here I am going through a difficult time dealing with all the storm damage. I showed you my neighbor's house, right? Well, what I didn't show you is what happened to my house:
Why? Because that's me. That's how I roll. I don't trouble other people with my problems.

So, I'm deailng with this. I haven't had freaking phone service for over a week now. I've had to rely on using other people's cell phones when they leave them laying around. But still, I hear about Widow Olds' situation and my thought is not, "Oh, I can't help them. I've got problems of my own." No! I'm like, "You know, things may be difficult, but I'm going to soldier on and get this thing done because it's the right thing to do."

And I've been working at it, difficult as it may be. But then I come home and get this crap from you!

I travel a lot, and can make my own arrangements, sure. You're right. But you know what? When I travel to a place in California that I've never been to, I call my contact there to see if they can recommend a good place to stay and what airline has good connections. Why? Because they freaking live there and know the place and I don't. And you know what else? They usually are very courteous about providing the information that I request. Why? Because they're not too freaking stupid to realize that since I'm in a position to do them a favor, they'd better be nice. So, since I've never been to your dark, stinky hole of a country, I thought that perhaps you could recommend a nice place to stay and give some guidance on airlines from your experience, since YOU FREAKING LIVE THERE! I mean, all I asked was if you knew of a place that has a Continental Breakfast and JellO bar, is that so much? But hey, if it's putting you out, fine. I can just NOT travel halfway around the world to help you two get your money out. I guess it's your choice.

Everything in the world has rules - is that what you say, smart guy? Well, here's me out from behind my shield agreeing with you. Everything has rules and ...money.

That's right, money! I have it. You don't. You want my help, so you'd better check your tone and your attitude at the door when you talk to me. I've told Shambles to hold off on freeing up the funds that will be needed and to not do anything until I can figure out what your damage is.

Rules? You want rules. OK. Here's the new rule: Instead of 25%, my fee just went up to 35%. And if I hear any more rudeness from you, I'll just pull the rug and look for new ventures elsewhere.

So, ball's in your chord, Chris. If you want to continue on, let me know and I'll get Shambles back to work and have my secretary book the flight and hotel. If not, oh well.

And if you want to speak, I might have mentioned this already, but, I DON'T HAVE A PHONE RIGHT NOW. We can do a teleconference. I know, that you are all impoverished, yada, yada, yada, so I'll be glad to cover the cost. All I need you to do is go to a business center such as a hotel, or copy shop, or whatever - anywhere that businessmen go a lot, and ask them if they have a Zebbo or a Max 90? I'll do the rest. Once again, it's up to you. Or, we can just wait until I come down there and smash out the details then.

Waiting for the word from you,

Avery Lunch

P.S.I will be contacting Widow Olds regarding your rudeness. I think it is only fair for her to know what kind of boar she is associating herself with in business.
And as promised the letter to WIdow Olds ...
Widow Olds,

I am sorry to disturb your illness with this matter, but as I have been touched by your situation and am doing my best to try to help you, I thought you should be aware of the rude behavior of your associate, Chris.

Below you can see an email he recently sent me. Let me just say that you're not the only one who has it rough, sister. I've been having quite a time up here with phone service being out, and storm damage to my house. Until now, it hadn't occurred to me to burdern you with my troubles.

But, when I'm working so hard to overcome these difficulties and still help you and then I get treated in this manner ... well, I'm simply taken aback. I have never, in all my years been treated so rudely by someone I was trying to help.

You have been nothing but honorable and respectable, Widow Olds. What you are doing associated with such a grinch is beyond me. Work with whomever you like, but I must tell you that if this kind of treatment continues I'll have to think very seriously of pulling out of this deal.

Sincerely,

Avery Lunch

P.S.If you two are having an affair, then just forget that I said anything.
Wow! Avery really let them have it. After Avery has called him and his "dark, stinky hole of a country" out, will Chris call it quits and find someone else to work with?

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