2005-12-06

Dental Humiliation Averted and Other Stuff


E-mail this post



Remember me (?)



All personal information that you provide here will be governed by the Privacy Policy of Blogger.com. More...



I dodged a major bullet with my dentist today. They vm'ed me yesterday to confirm my appointment for today. Yikes! I had failed to put it in on my calendar.

This is not like forgetting about a meeting where you can real quick study up, or bluff your way through it. No. A dentist appointment requires a minimum of one week, and preferably two weeks of preparation. You can't fake flossing.

They always know. You floss the day of the appointment, of course, but they know.

And they ask. You try to work around it ... "Well, sometimes it's a little hit and miss, but I try to keep up with my flossing ... I, uhhh, you know, sometimes sporadic, uhhh ...," but you start to melt under the gaze of that light that doesn't seem very bright but it must be if the dentist uses it, and finally they break you. "Oh alllrigghhhttt! Before this morning I hadn't flossed in six months! In fact I still have the same thing of floss that I had when I moved into my place, OK. There. I admit it. I don't floss my teeth very much!"

They scold you ... the same way they scolded you when you were five and first coming to the dentist. As you wiggle and strain against gravity, "Why is this chair that seems about to tip over when I first sit down so difficult to get out of!?" she's packing your new, shiny red toothbrush and mini tube of toothpaste in a little plastic bag with a smiling tooth on it. Ashamed, you stare at the puppy dogs and balloons on her teal smock as she pats you on the head and sends you on your way. It's all so very humiliating.

But, get a week or two of daily flossing under your belt and it's all different. "Your teeth look really good. Goooood boyyyy! Have you been flossing?"

What! After flossing for two weeks I'm still getting the third degree? Wait a minute. They're suspicious but they've got nothing to go on. I know how this works. I watch Law and Order - Criminal Intent for crying out loud. If they don't coax a confession out of me, or get a witness to roll (and my dogs won't narc out the hand that feeds them), they can't pin the crime on me. "Sorry, my teal-smocked sister. Eerie light or no, I'm not playing ball, so you can just cut me loose right now."

Smugly you watch as she adds a "good job" bullet to your dental resume. And then ... she packs your new, shiny red toothbrush and mini tube of toothpaste in a little plastic bag with a smiling tooth on it, pats you on the head and sends you on your way. Let's face it, at the dentist you're always 5.

So anyway, I begged another week out of them. I'll cop to being unable to keep up my calendar before I'll take the heat for not flossing!

-- B --


I'm totally loving the Dilbert Blog (see yesterday's entry). Right now I'm culling the archives and getting caught up.

Also, Christmas Hell continues. Today we have a modern, jazzy, souped up version of the Hallelujah Chorus. We've crossed from simple poor taste and annoyance to near blashphemy.

|

About me

Previous posts

Archives

Categories

Links


ATOM 0.3
  • Creative Commons License
    This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs2.5 License.