Workplace Incident in the Making

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I am in Christmas hell right now. One of the ladies in the office brought in a Christmas CD that she purchased over the weekend - kids singing Christmas songs. Around about the time we hit the second CD I was about to request that we turn it down a bit when my boss said, "I love hearing kids singing at Christmas." Yup, she's a girl too. Then the owner of the CD's said, "Yeah, I got it over the weekend. What the heck, it was only $9.99, and for 100 songs that was a deal." ONE HUNDRED!!

Not as bad as it sounds ... every song is performed at 10x its normal pace, so we should be able to get through all 100 in just over 20 minutes, except that we've been stuck on the second CD for going on three hours now.

Hmmm ... I wonder what kind of force would be required for me to drive my own head through the monitor screen? Would it hurt more or less than "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desire" sung by a flock of girl scouts at 250 bpm?

In two months we'll move to the new place, I'll have my own office which, I understand, is equipped with a door which, I understand, can be closed. That's the long term fix. In the short term, as luck would have it, I remember that Rob Zombie is queued up on my shuffle, which would definitely equalize things, so I may need to take a music break.

Still, if I should run a school bus off the road on the way to volleyball tonight, you'll know that I was finally overcome by holiday "cheer."

Disclaimer: My original title for this post and some comments were a little more pointed, but I en-vagued certain parts a bit. People understandably take such matters pretty seriously these days. I don't own a gun. It would never cross my mind to go on a workplace or any other place shooting rampage. I don't have the equivalent of a WWII Nazi Bombenwerks in my basement (not like some people's kids). In fact I don't even have a basement, or even a dead body-sized crawlspace. I realize that my neighbors would probably describe me as a "nice young man who keeps to himself a lot," which means I fit the profile of a serial killer or psycho domestic terrorist to a "T." I am none of these things. Regarding any hints that I might do something untoward ... I was just kidding!

Oh Good Lord! As I understand it, Silent Night is supposed to be more towards, er, Silent!


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