2006-02-03

My Old Pal ...


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Man! I just got an e-mail from my old pal aydjifnyshrp. He must have been one of hotmail's first subscribers too because he didn't have to go with a username like aydjifnyshrp1227 or some other variant like most of us mortals do.

Anyway, hearing from him really took me back. We used to just call him aydjif, or the aydjif-ster for short. Either way, the guy was a nut! He always had something up his sleeve, whether it be pet rocks or prank-calling people and telling them to let Prince Albert out of the can.

I guess time hasn't settled him down any - he's still as diversified as ever. One day Cialis, the next stock tips that will let you cash in on the high price of gas for pennies on the dollar.

OK, why do these folks even bother? I mean, if I didn't disdain spam to begin with, I'd shun these advances simply because they show a complete lack of effort.

The proposition is:
- Let's face it, you don't know me. You know it. I know it. So I'm not going to waste any time at all trying to come up with a name that sounds like a real person.

- Let's face it, this is junk. You know it. I know it. So I'm not going to waste any time at all trying to disguise that fact.

- Let's face it, for whatever I'm selling today, my pitch will be totally unbelievable. You know it. I know it. So I'm not going to waste any time at all trying to disguise that fact.

- The Law of Large Numbers of Idiots as it applies to e-mail states that, even when a piece of e-mail can be detected to be completely devoid of value by simply looking at the sender's address and subject line some idiot will open it anyway. It's compulsion - they are physically unable to move an e-mail from the Inbox to Trash without opening it. You know some of them ... they are the same ones who just sent you a moving poem about a little Hungarian girl who was sold by her parents for a tuna sandwich and forced to perform circus tricks on street corners. It concluded with the line, "I didn't believe it either, but it's true. Send this to 10 of your closest friends and you'll have good luck." You might have missed all of this if you didn't have the time to scroll down through the 10,000 email headers of previous fowardees.

- The Law of Large Numbers - Email collision further states that if I can get this Email to enough people, someone will bite. Give me ten people who were dumb enough to open it in the first place and I like my odds.

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